Not all Attention is Good

As I look around I am starting to realize that people do not get the concept that all attention is not good attention.  Sometimes you need to be cautious of the attention that you garner because some of it can cause reactions that you did not plan. As an undergrad, majoring in PR I learned that you have to gather attention to a product, person, cause, or anything, by tailoring the message to what you would like it to be. If you wanted the message to be a positive one you could not use negative attention and wish to change into something else.  If a crisis does happen you handle it the best way possible, making sure you do as little damage to your reputation as possible and gain something good from the situation.  You have to learn from your mistakes and fix them, not just allow them to continue to happen. This will soon become apparent to your audience that you may not be concerned with the outcome or your audience you are targeting.

When it comes to people, the same thing should apply. Their haven’t been to many people that have been able to garner negative attention and then make something of it. It is very rare that it happens this way.  However, some people do think that any attention is better than no attention and they try to capitalize on it.  Well, if you really don’t care about your reputation nor your image then maybe this will work for you, but if you care then you need to choose a different route.  As women in general, garnering attention that has nothing to do with your appearances is sometimes difficult, but it can be done.  Recently, Olympian Lolo Jones was criticized because people felt like she had become a celebrity not because of her athletic abilities but because of her appearance and sex appeal.  Not only does she have sex appeal but she is also a virgin. Ms. Jones has taken her appearance at the Olympics and has capitalized on it, and she has still managed to keep her “pure” image. Although some are now questioning why she is one of the most recognized women competing in the track and field events, when she has not won an event. Well the answer is simple, her publicist has cashed in on her “pure” image and made Lolo quite a bit of money. Not only does she have a nice reputation to fall back on, they have also been able to create an image that is marketable to a variety of audiences.

Well, all attention is not good, but you should be aware that attention for a good reason is GREAT!!!! 

Oh please don’t tell me you think this is real

This summer I am busy working on my thesis, but I am also disturbed by some of the images of Black women that I see.  I knew from the beginning of Love and Hip Hop: Atlanta, I would not be watching. Although I knew it wasn’t something I wanted to watch, I watched the first episode before its television debut, and I was correct. It was too much and far from reality. The sad part is that some people really think it is real. You can’t really think something as drama filled and stereotypical is real. People really don’t act like that.

My interests are Black women friendships, and I was really disappointed to see how our friendships were portrayed in this show. And to think people really like this show. Every Monday night, my Timeline on Facebook and Twitter is filled with people waiting to watch this show.  People have gone so far as to attack a character of the show. Now people are really taking this to far. Some of the women who are friends on the show are questionable in my opinion. There are certain things that friends do for each other that I don’t see. Although I don’t watch the show I do read the tweets and posts, I prefer watching Tia and Tamera on Monday nights, followed by Chicagolicious, then Single Ladies.   

As I am conducting interviews about Black women’s best friendships, I am finding out something I have always known, the reality that is shown on TV shows such as Love and Hip Hop: Atlanta is not reality. I can not control what anyone watches on television but I can say realize this is not real. Look at some of your close friendships and relationships and see if you see all of this happening. You may find some similarities but your life is probably not that full of drama. I have decided that I will not be contributing to horrible representations of Black women by partaking in shows that portray us in a negative light every week. Instead I am busy understanding positive relationships that Black women have and sharing this information with as many people as possible. True, you may know people that live a similar lifestyle to what you see on TV but it is not the life of most Black women. You have to be able to separate reality from entertainment. 

Oh really, I don’t think so

As I am reading for my research, I came across an article that said the women’s movement is the reason why women do not have great friendships with each other anymore. The rationale behind it is that, before the women’s movement women were taught by their mothers how to be a woman which meant cooking, cleaning and taking care of the kids. With that being said one of the only reasons for women’s friendship to decline and become so combative is because the women’s movement began to occur. Now this is complete nonsense.  I just had to stare at the pages for a while before I could completely digest this nonsense.  Although the article is quite old, it is still perplexing that someone would assume that the women’s movement is the reason behind the negative perception of women’s friendships.  It is amazing what people were able to publish back in the day.I know research has to begin somewhere but dang this is a rocky and offensive start.  I know you have to find something or someone to blame change on, but to blame an entire movement for the state of women’s friendships, really that is CRAZY.

I am happy this article is old but to know that people really felt like that gets under my skin. I will leave the article along now.

Ride or Die Friends?

As I catch up on reality tv and put into context the comments about them from my Facebook and Twitter feeds, I am being exposed to people’s true feelings about being a ride or die type of person in a relationship specifically romantic relationships. This discussion centers around Chrissy and Jim Jones relationship and how they have been together for so long and not married or at least engaged to a degree that everyone can agree on. Then there is T.I. and Tiny and her willingness to wait for him after each jail stint he served and less not forget Cynthia on the RHOA. She was willing to back her man’s venture by investing money in his company to get it started because she wanted him to know she was there for him. Well when you ask people what they want in a relationship they are quick to say honesty, trust, loyalty, communication, commitment and other things, but when you are looking at people doing those things and who are committed to the long haul then it is seen as a negative to some people. Well to each its own, but don’t you have that one ride or die friend, not romantic partner or family member, just a friend?
One of the things that interest me are friendships specifically women’s friendships. So I have to wonder what if you had a friend who was committed and loyal to you like no other person. We all want that person who will have our back when no one else doesn’t, don’t we? We want that person who we don’t have to question there intentions because we know they want what is best for us? Well if we want all of these things in a friendship, then we have to be willing to give these same characteristics to that person. Friendships and most romantic relationships are voluntary, so unlike family you are able to pick and choose who you want in your life, but once that person gets close to you don’t you want to know that they are there for you without a shadow of a doubt. Just wondering why some people think being ride or die is all bad, when honestly I have 3 ride or die friends that I am thankful to have in my life. I know that if I did something I wasn’t proud of and wanted someone to confide in my ride or die friends would be there for me. If I had to go to jail they would be the people I called to get me out because I know they would do any and everything to do so. They are also the people who will tell me their honest opinion and I know that it is because they care.
If you look for or have ride or die friends who you choose to be in your life, romantic partners don’t have to be that far away. Whatever floats your boat is fine with me, but for those people who are invested in another person that much, I applaud you for seeing beyond what everyone else sees on the outside. I will take Ride or Die friends, but I am not the Ride or Die type of woman in a romantic relationship.

Black women friendships

As I am continuing my research for my thesis, it has come to my attention that for as many Black women who say they don’t have females friends their are twice as many that do. Being one of those people who have quite a few female friends, who are mostly Black I find comfort in this. I find comfort in knowing that although everyone has had that one bad experience with another Black woman that has not stopped them from writing off all Black women. As I am conducting research for a smaller study for my thesis, I have to ask people specifically do they have a black girl friend and a black best girl friend. Some say yes and others are like no. For the people who do not have that close relationship with other Black women, I ask them who do they talk to about racism and some of the racist things that go on around campus. Once that question is asked they always think of a close Black girl friend but would not really consider her a friend for real. Well at least you have someone to talk to that understands.
I hope that as I continue this study that I will be able to show people that Black women are able to have close intimate relationships, as opposed to the stuff that you see on television. The relationship may not be peaches and creme but it is not always hell on wheels either.
Until we meet again, I wish every Black female friendship so much love!!!!!

Friends, we all have them


As I begin working on my thesis, I have decided to blog about my topic. I am looking at African-American women friendships with each other. If you look at the portrayals of Black women friendships you are only given the negative portrayals. I have always known that some friendships are horrible but some are quite the contrary. Some are very positive without all of the arguing and negativity that is seen. I think of Oprah and Gayle and Tiny and Toya and I am able to see the positive relationships that Black women are able to have with one another. Basketball wives just puts a damper in my spirit when I see all of the negativity and the fact that people are drawn to that is a serious problem. My research wishes to show a side of friendship that is rarely seen in the African-American community, the side where we actually get along. Black women are able to have positive relationships with each other without all of the bickering, gossiping, backstabbing and fighting and my mission is to show that it is happening and we just don’t get to see it. Real friendships between Black women are possible regardless of what is on TV and in the media.

This could be a good thing

I have recently become intrigued with the new show “Reed Between the Lines” coming this October on BET. This could be a good thing. Looking at television shows about Black families you find stereotypical roles. Tyler Perry’s shows “Meet the Browns” and “House of Payne” are each stereotypical Black families. It shows a stereotypical dysfunctional family.
“Reed Between the Lines” are taking a modern-day, what I would call “Cosby” approach to being a family. True, the entire concept behind the Cosby’s is uncommon and will not happen but it did provide a positive view of Black families. It showed that their can be positive Black families with two working parents living a middle-class lifestyle and taking a huge part in their children’s lives. “Reed Between the Lines” can offer a positive perspective on Black families. Unlike Tyler Perry who needs a large Black man to be funny “Reed Between the Lines” seems to be taking a middle-class family and showing how it works.

This new television show could be a great start to an old approach at wholesome family television. Could this show become a stereotypical mess, yes, but hopefully it doesn’t. I can’t wait to see how this show turns out. I will be waiting on the premiere and hoping that this show will provide a different type of Black family.

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